I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
