So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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