Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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