i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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