LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
