Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Green mimosas i think yes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
