No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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