Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
