Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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