We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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