You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
