Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
