dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her vagine was all disorganized.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
