i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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