too bad you live with your parents still
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
