remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
