I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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