Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize