I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
