last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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