So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
