Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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