Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
