xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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