Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
