he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
