We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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