I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
