oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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