I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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