I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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