Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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