Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
