Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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