my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Randomize
