I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
