TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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