He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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