I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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