party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
