I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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