how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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