It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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