WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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