I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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