I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I forget how to act sober
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
