those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
