Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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