its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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