my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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