Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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