i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
