whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
