I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
