I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
