can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
