Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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