You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
