Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
