Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
