D3 body, D1 cock
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
