Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
