Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
