There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
as a side note pls kill me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
