Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
