just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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