The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
