So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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