Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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