Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
